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Bone up on Bauer: your quick guide to 2. TV movie) . He works for CTU, the counter- terrorism wing of the US government. He discovers an assassination plot against presidential hopeful David Palmer. However, there's a mole inside CTU and his daughter Kim (who is an idiot) has been kidnapped by two men with awful taste in music. The terrorists want Jack to kill Palmer but he outwits them. Then his wife gets murdered and Jack is sad. Eighteen months later, Jack returns to action because there's a nuclear bomb somewhere.
He immediately chops a man's head off because he's just that sort of guy. He helps his boss to take the bomb onto a plane and crash it into the desert because, again, he's that just that sort of guy. Kim (who is an idiot) spends a full day running around screaming at things. President Palmer gets poisoned and keels over. Three years later, and Jack is now a heroin addict.
But don't worry, because he barely mentions it. This time he's got a helper called Chase, who loves Kim (who is an idiot). Terrorists want to release a toxic virus, plus the wife of President Palmer (he survived the poisoning!) is a murderer now. The day is saved when Jack chops Chase's hand off for some reason. Eighteen months after that, someone wants to blow up a load of nuclear power plants. Jack stops them, of course, but the new president is a douchebag who wants Jack dead, so he fakes his own death and runs away.
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Kim Bauer (Elisha Cuthbert) being an idiot behind a tree. Photograph: Allstar/Fox. Eighteen months later, most of the cast immediately get assassinated. There's some nerve agent too, and the douchebag president did it all. The Chinese grab Jack and start torturing him on a boat. Jack returns 2. 0 months later with a beard to discover that David Palmer's brother is now the least believable president in the history of American fiction. There have been a series of suicide bombings, leading to a nuclear explosion that destroys most of LA.
But don't worry, because barely anyone mentions it. This time the baddie is Jack's own dad (who was also the farmer from Babe), so Jack blows him up on an oil rig. Jack is sad. Jack goes to Africa to clear his head, but ends up murdering loads of soldiers anyway. Jack goes to Washington to face torture charges, just in time to stop baddies from blowing up the White House. He takes a full canister of a weaponised prion virus to the face, but is saved by advances in stem- cell research.
Still an idiot. Finally, Jack goes to New York to murder as many members of the Russian government as he can for some reason. Job done, he skidaddles away to make a movie, but nobody wants one so he comes to London to make another series instead.
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